Why You Need to Feel Your Feelings
Have you ever noticed how some people seem comfortable expressing their emotions, while others struggle to even talk about how they're feeling?
If your family didn't openly talk about feelings, you might have learned to "bottle things up" as a child. This might have felt like the safest option at the time, but it can lead to challenges as an adult.
Here's how this can show up in your life:
Limited vocabulary for emotions: You might find it difficult to name what you're feeling, using words like "good" or "bad" instead of specific emotions like sad, frustrated, or happy.
Difficulty connecting with your feelings: You might feel disconnected from your emotions, unsure why you feel a certain way or how to express it.
Struggles with vulnerability: Opening up and sharing your feelings with others might feel uncomfortable or even scary.
Relationship challenges: Difficulty expressing and understanding emotions can create misunderstandings and conflict in relationships.
This can lead you to appear:
Withdrawn or shut down: You might avoid situations that could trigger emotions or keep others at a distance.
Independent and uninterested in close connections: You might prioritise self-sufficiency and struggle to form deeper bonds.
Uncomfortable with others' emotions: You might feel awkward or frustrated when others express their feelings openly.
Numb or emotionless: You might struggle to show much emotion, even when talking about difficult experiences.
So, why is it important to feel your feelings?
Bottling up emotions can lead to various problems, like:
Physical symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, and fatigue can sometimes be linked to suppressed emotions.
Unsustainable coping mechanisms: Overeating, addiction, overspending, overworking, perfectionism, people pleasing, or isolation can become ways to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Difficulty in relationships: Bottled-up emotions can lead to communication breakdown and conflict in our personal lives.
Feeling your feelings, even the uncomfortable ones, is crucial for:
Processing, not suppressing: By acknowledging and experiencing your emotions, you can release their built-up energy and prevent them from manifesting in unhealthy ways.
Understanding yourself: Emotions act as signals, providing valuable information about your needs, desires, and values. By ignoring them, you miss out on important information about yourself. It’s like going on a hike without a map!
Building emotional resilience: Just like any muscle, our ability to handle difficult emotions strengthens with practice. Facing and processing our emotions helps us develop the resilience to navigate future challenges. In psychology, we refer to this as ‘expanding your window of tolerance’.
Building healthy relationships: When we can openly express and understand our own emotions, we are better equipped to connect with others on a deeper level and build healthy, authentic relationships.
Here are 3 ways you can learn to feel your feelings:
Start by noticing physical sensations in your body when you experience certain situations. Listen to a guided felt sense meditation here.
Use an ‘emotions wheel’ to build your awareness and vocabulary to talk about your emotions.
Write down your thoughts and feelings as a way to explore and process them more deeply. If you don’t like to write or struggle with words, trying drawing, painting, collaging with images and words from magazines.
3 Book recommendations to get you in your feelings more:
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown - buy book
Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson - buy book
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C Gibson - buy book
Healing from these experiences is possible. If you're struggling to connect with your emotions or feel stuck in unhealthy patterns, therapy can be a valuable tool.
I offer in-person therapy sessions in the north-western suburbs of Melbourne, 10km from the Melbourne CBD. We can work together to explore your experiences, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and build the skills you need to feel your feelings and connect with yourself and others in a more meaningful way.
If you're ready to start your journey towards emotional healing, contact me today for a free consultation